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Funny Lines
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
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********* After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
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Humor in News
Tuesday, Dec. 08 Dan Valenti's editorial (" It's Christmas, baby!", Dec. 7) might have been written tongue-in-cheek, but I do not find this kind of humor amusing at all. PANAJI, India (Reuters) - Gurinder Chadha, the director behind the hit "Bend it Like Beckham," is one of a trio of Indian-origin women directors wowing the world with their unique style. But unlike Deepa Mehta or Mira Nair, Chadha makes films with a distinctly earthy feel. Bob Taylor’s Barber Shop is all decorated for Christmas. But, there aren’t any twinkling lights, or colorful, glittering ornaments decorating the small, two-chair shop. Instead there is a lamp sitting front and center in the store’s front window. Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are 4 people in my family, and I can never do it. — Nan, age 9If we could all stay as truthful as children, we’d have better holiday gatherings with our family.We tell ourselves, "It will be different this year.” It seldom is. We tell ourselves we will not let them get to us — again! They usually do.Your ... Nigerian waitress to American customer: ".....We don't serve beef but we serve cow meat". The young well-dressed man sat a the bus stop in Lagos, Nigeria with a sign hanging on his neck. The sign read: "I am deaf and dumb, please help me". A compassionate woman looked at him and voiced her thoughts. "Such a handsome young man....I wish I had some change, I would have given him some money". To her shock, the man replied; " How much do you want to give me? I have change", he told her. she looked at him with severe disapproval. "I thought you were deaf and dumb..." He looked down at the sign on his chest and burst into laughter. "Why are you laughing?" The man laughed some more then he said; "My sign writer is a nut.... so he actually wrote deaf and dumb? I told him to write BLIND AND CRIPPLED" SPOT THE DIFFERENCE Public school pupil: "What are the names of your parents? Answer: "My parents? Oh! You mean my father and my mother? My father's name is BABA and my mother's name is MAMA". Private school student: "What are the names of your parents?" Answer: "My dad's name is James Okafor Esq. and my mum is Dr. Jennifer Okafor".
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